2 December 2011

Apologies - a SAHM rant is needed

I have been a full time SAHM from May 2008 to January 2010 then August 2010 to the present day.....and counting. I chose to be a SAHM so maybe I do not have the choice to moan about it. I love being a SAHM, for my children. My youngest is currently in preschool two and a half days a week. This gives me time to volunteer at my daughter's school (I am a trained primary school teacher and am wanting to keep in touch with it), time to keep on top of the washing, drying and ironing that seems to accumulate into a mountain on a daily basis and crucially time for me to switch off and relax. When I write it all down it looks pretty cushy for me really. However, I am frustrated.

I am frustrated that the children are always my number one priority, not the husband's.
I am frustrated that if the husband's workmates suggest a drink after work he can go without a moments thought for what may be going on here at home.
I am frustrated when the husband may have a late start - a rare occurrence - and he gets to lie in but I have to get the children sorted.
I am frustrated that I am losing touch with issues in schools from a teacher point of view and fear that will make it a challenge to find work next year.

Yes, next year, well next September when Alban starts Reception, I want to return to work and teaching, possibly full time. But then the problems and my frustrations will change...

I will be working but still, in all likelihood, will be the one that has to sort out the children.
I have no family nearby so I will have to get them to Breakfast Club, pick them up from After School Club and drive them to ballet, Rainbows and the like.
I will worry about how on earth I manage the higgledy piggledy hours that Reception children do for the first weeks / couple of months. Seriously, how do people work round that when their child is in for a half day here and half day there??

So why don't I continue being a SAHM? We have scraped by financially to enable me to do it and it is nice for the children to have me take them to school and preschool, be able to help in school, be there at the end of the day, cook their meals every night and take them to clubs but.... I will be more frustrated five days a week 9 to 3 at home on my own. I want to go back to teaching. Helping in school has made me realise this. I also want my own car and element of freedom again. I want to buy nice clothes. I want the opportunity to move house as we are bursting out of this one. All material things I know but sometimes a balance has to be struck. I think that is the issue - balance. Balance will have to be struck between me and the husband when I return to work. I know mums that have to do it on their own but I need support. So, for now, I will continue to have days where I scream and rant and feel trapped but this not forever. I don't want to wish my children's lives away and I am SO glad to have stayed home through these early years. But, as a family we are going to have to adapt to changes, and work as a team to do it.

My ranting and moaning for now is over - thanks for listening x x 

* that is not me - I am not blonde but I am very screamy!


  1. You have literally written down my frustrations, word for word (except the last one - I have no career to keep in touch with). I just got off the phone with the 'twattyknobchops' who is off out for a drink after work, and wont return til after their bedtime. He hasn't got a clue whats been going on all day here, and didn't even ask! He thinks I sit around all day watching This Morning, because I mentioned watching it ONCE!! Aaaarrrrgh!

  2. Oh boy, am I with you! I'm lucky enough to have a 2 day a week job but have to do it from the bedroom instead of the glamorous HQ because Husband has a 6 day a week 24/7 job which has, over the years, by mutual consent, become 100% child-proofed. It gets to the point, though, where your horizons shrink so small that you couldn't face the adventure of breaking out and you barely lift your head from your duster. Thought this signified contentment, but now fear it's apathy.

  3. Hi. It's funny that you posted this today. I think that I am feeling some of your frustration. And today I found myself pouring it out to someone (who I wouldn't normally) over a couple of beers snatched after playgroup (kids in tow of course). A bit like I am now.

    I stay at home and that is what we have decided and what we want and what I love. But I kind of feel that the world of work (any bloody kind of paid work) is slipping away from me. I can count the number of times that I have left the house on my own (or been in the house on my own) in the last 20 months on my toes - and have some to spare. There is a solution out there for me somewhere but I can't summon the wherewithall to get to it.

    Rant away love! And I hope that you find your balance. x

  4. Eek! I know being a SAHM is great for the kids and great to spend time with them etc but I didn't think the husbands would be so neglective! Give them the kids for the weekend and get yourself off to the spa, and they'll soon start appreciating everything you do x

  5. I wrote about this exact same thing a few weeks ago and although not everyone agreed with me, the number of people who said they identified with it was overwhelming. I am so with you. I have been both a SAHM and a working mum and both are difficult. My hubby helps a lot but he still gets a LOT more freedom and doesn't seem to worry about the day to day half so much as I do, which I did/do whether I work or S-A-Home. All I can say, for what it's worth, is that you are not alone and there are lots of highly qualified and experienced women reduced to making play doh and mopping up baby sick for the sake of their beloved children. I do miss working but know it's just not practical right now and am trying to find things to keep my head active. Most of the time though my head is mush :)

  6. I went back 3 days a week when E was 14 months and then increased to 4 long days and I was much happier to be using my brain a bit more. I'm dreading going back to work this time as I have to be full time and that's really not the kind of balance I wanted while T is so little. I hope you find a compromise that works for you. X

  7. Aaa agh my comment disappeared.

    Was having a right good rant about my hubby not helping with the housework. He seems to do less now than ever and there is far more of it. He's the same with lie ins too. He works a lot of lates and always has a lie in. If I get annoyed he says I should have got him up but then he's so grumpy. He knows mornings are so stressful so it seems a bit unfair. Some weeks he has 4 lie ins and I may have 1. No fair.

    I didn't raise you were a primary teacher as well.

  8. I have been off work the last 2 yrs with illness but I agree with you. Even when I did work as a Driving instructor running my own business I still was the one who had to organise everythin g from dinners to kids clubs and beyond. My Oh has a better understanding now as I am limited physically some days and therefore he will take over. However, he still does not think ahead but instead deals with only what is happening at the time!! :)

  9. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Lost my career completely. However, I am now taking a different path. I was a SAHM for the best part of 5 years, then went back to work part time via volunteering for the next 2 years, retrained completely. Went more or less full time when the kids were aged 13 & 15 and they hated it. Am still part time now, but in a completely different environment. I can't wait to retire. I had the same frustrations that you voice. You have two choices when it comes to your husband. Put up or shut up. If you don't like it, tell him, insist he does his share and ride it out while it is uncomfortable. I took the easy way out and put up with it. If things get done they get done, if they don't they don't. The kids meals came before the washing and ironing! It is hard. My SIL told me she didn't know how I did it (she put her two into nursery from 3 months old, then when the youngest was 3 she was made redundant - boy was looking after her own children a shock).
    Good luck in fighting this particular battle, it ain't easy but it can be won.

  10. no exactly how you feel 100% been a SAHM for nearly 18 years .. oh my goodness where has the time gone, my boys are 18 and 11 and i run two business from home. and there must be something in the air as i blogged my grr the other day lol
    The 'man' thing really really really gets on my nerves, the same as picking things up, cleaning, cooking and then getting told off that you are treating them like a kid if you neg them. *Ommmmmmmmmmmm*
    I now have a sign that says "Know one knows what i do until i don't do it"

    i wish you all the luck and send you all the blessings .. us women rock (SAHD's do too)


I appreciate all comments, thank you! x x

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