25 January 2016

Musing on a Monday {Pick & Mix}

Musing on Monday {Pick & Mix}

Isn't pick & mix great? The way you can choose the sweets you really like and avoid those you don't? Wouldn't it be great if we could fill our paper bag of life with the best bits? If only it was that simple.

In an ideal world our bag of sweets would contain our favourite picks but occasionally a piece of confectionary may fall in we don't really like.

Today I felt a bit muddled; not really knowing what type of confectionary I was in life's bag of pick and mix.
Today I got the children up, packed their lunches, hollered and walked them to school; today I threw the role of mother into the paper bag.
Today I ran; today I was my own person and in she went.
Today I got on my hands and knees and cleaned the bathroom floor, I prepared the evening meal, I sorted laundry; today the role of housekeeper was added to the mix.
Today I begrudgingly went into work on my day off; today I was a working mum and she, much like the licorice allsort that nobody wants, was added to the bag.

Mother, own person, housewife, employee; a range of important roles right there.

My pick and mix gets unsettled at the end of the week when work barges itself right to the top of the bag upsetting the rest of the contents. It takes over from Tuesday afternoon to Friday night but is never fully out of my mind. My role of mother slips precariously as I leave the house before the children are up and return later, frazzled, whilst other family members have, in the meantime, temporarily filled my shoes. Work fills my head with concern and stress and my ability to fulfil my other roles crumbles for four days. Towards the end of the working day I am clock watching; planning my time to leave to fit in with picking children up from after school club or relieving Grandma - my work mind gets distracted. I am not doing my best. I get home tired and I snap at those who don't deserve it. I am not doing my best. I hate that I feel like a Jack of all trades and a master of none - stretched between the roles and not doing my best.

In an ideal world I would be a working mother but in a more balanced way.
In an ideal world I would be there for my children before and after school and my mind would be clear with the focus 100% on them.
In an ideal world I would work from 9-3 with a role that can be shut off at the end of a working day.

But I have to be thankful for what I have and accept that the licorice allsort that nobody wants will always be there in the pick and mix bag - but it would be nice to swap it for a sherbet lemon.

x x x
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